2017 Power Rankings-Week 9
<---Week Eight...Week Ten Introduction RIPDab Statement: “Hello League of Champions. I want to release this statement in the interest of clarity. With the recent allegations of our Commish’s sexual assault the fantasy Gods have suspended him from all league activities effective immediately. This suspension will be re-reviewed by the Fantasy Commish Committee (FCC) at midnight and hopefully GaropablowMe will be reinstated for the remainder of the season. Until this is cleared up I will be your Interim Commish. Before there is too much of a riot over who has been chosen as Interim Commish, remember that the Fantasy gods themselves have chosen and an attack against me is a direct attack against the Gods’ decisions. To address the alleged sexual assault, I would first like to say that they are false and our Commish deserves better treatment after his great track record. He never even had a sexual encounter until he was 22 (Fact Check). These current allegations are completely out of character and I am sure the Fantasy Gods will realize this. Why would an average looking man, with slightly above average game, have to travel to the mirror league just to R-Word the Mirror Commish’s sister? I know it appears he was trying to cross into the Mirror League with his sacrifice of Golden Tate, but I assure you it was for Intel purposes only. No ill harm was meant to the Mirror League (Yet… ammirite Pat). With all of this commotion I am still going to do my best to deliver you the highest quality power rankings in my abilities. And not only that, we have ourselves a theme week. You are all welcome” The Power Rankings 1) Shotti Bunch * RIPDab Roster equivalent: Tom Brady The hot debate in the streets in the past decade has been “who is the GOAT”? Winning comes with praise but it also comes with haters. How you deal with those haters determines your legacy. Some people are Matt Ryan and with a little MVP talk they shrivel. Others are Tom Brady/The Shotti Bunch, and when 90% believe them to be the GOAT they go win a championship and remove all doubt. 2) The Duck Punchers * RIPDab Roster Equivalent: Mark Ingram Someone who gets the job done every day/week/year. You know he is going to go out there and ball. In the beginning of the season people were skeptical due to the other guy on his team (AP) but once he cut the loose weight he has shown that he doesn’t need a partner holding him back. Ingram works much better with Kamara than he ever did with Peterson. Lean that backfield and get those TDs by yo damn self. 3)#RIPDab * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Michael Crabtree This guy is so G he is almost H. people cross the street when they seem him rollin. Always a threat to score. For him, the ceiling is the roof. A scrappy guy who is going to find a way to get it done. Not mentioned with the other greats but probably should be. 4) Paddock 9 * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Kelvin Benjamin With all the Roster moves this player has made it makes sense that his equivalent would move just before the deadline. But beyond that this is a man who just outpowers his opponent. Not the fastest or smartest or best rout runner but if we are in the red zone Kelvin can outjump almost anyone for a 50/50 ball. 5) Pain Train WOO WOO * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Mohamed Sanu Averaging over 15.5 points per week that he starts and finishes, Mo Sanu is actually having a pretty good season. And yet there is no respect. Does any corner in the league look at who they are playing this week and get scared to find out it is Mo Sanu? The answer is no. Maybe this guy has the dice roll his way and can put together an historic season to shock the world. But probably not. Just not enough talent. 6) Jar Jar Stinks * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Green Bay Defense This team is doing what they have to. Definitely not in an ideal situation. But since Jar Jar has barely any points against and even less points for a defense is fitting. If the season ended today, Jar Jar is in the last playoff spot. They need to do their best to hold off the rest of the league and try to figure something out. 7) Garoppoblow Me * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Jordan Reed Let’s get one thing straight. We are talking about present moment Jordan Reed. That is to say we are talking about a broken man. To quote Eminem “Cause when it's going good It's going great. I'm Superman With the wind at his back, She's Lois Lane. But when it's bad, It's awful” In the current state of affairs its awful. Between the foot injury, being accused of the R-word, bad hamstrings and trading away Golden Tate for a suspended EZ Elliot (and then having Tate untraded), these guys are in the pits right now. But if I know one thing about Jordan Reed, I know that he will get healthy and my faith will restore in them, just to get hurt and be done for the year. 8) ma ma momma said * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Ty Montgomery This is the definition of anything can happen. He have Schrodinger’s team and Schrodinger’s player. A lot of questions for Monty now that the rookie Aaron jones has shown his clout. But with Rodgers down will Green Bay be losing and need to pass and therefore lean on Monty due to his pass catching abilities? But wait he also has a few broken ribs, how does that factor in? For Momma, we have Ajayi trying to fit with a new system but a crowded back field, T.Y. Hilton with Luck’s questionable return, Joe Mixon not able to make Marvin Lewis give him the backfield. One thing is for sure, Ma Ma Momma said could beat just about any team but could also lose out. Hope that cleared things up. 9) Sweet Dee * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Tarik Cohen What we have here is a player struggling to reach their potential. No one expected big things and then they come on like gang busters. We have seen the ceiling here and we know this could be something great. Unfortunately we have also seen the floor. Underwhelming to say the least. But we know this player/franchise doesn’t give up. We have seen them go to drastic measures to succeed. Between throwing for TDs and cloning themselves through witchcraft they are going to get it done. 10) Papa’s Pussies * RIPDab Roster Equivalent – Julian Edelman Better Luck Next Year. Conclusion Until next time Folks, #RIPDab Out.